No longer horsing around

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Dear Agony Ant,

It’s week three of my pregnancy and I feel fat, bloated and depressed. My partner has lost interest and just comes to visit every morning, dances, then leaves and goes about her carefree day. Meanwhile, I am stuck here, pondering what my life has become. I miss the days of flirting shamelessly with any male or female horse I saw, eating, lazing and letting the days float by aimlessly. The worst thing is knowing that as soon as I give birth, the missus will be ready to go for the next lot of babies! How do I adjust to my new life filed with responsibility and longing?

No longer horsing around,

Big-bellied seahorse, Hippocampus abdominalis

 

Dear no longer horsing around,

I feel your agony, however it may help to know that you only have to suffer through this for another week or so, compared to the frilled shark who will remain pregnant for another three and a half years. The truth is, pregnancy sucks. But it is a good time to get lots of sympathy so milk it for all it’s worth and make sure your partner knows that you need more than a daily dance – a constant supply of the best shrimp the sea has to offer, a hug and most importantly a lending ear to listen to your litany of woes. And just remember, soon your little ones will be out in the wide world, the breeding season will be over and it will be time for some promiscuous seahorseplay.

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